There’s a kind of loneliness (alone-ness)
That is self inflicted.
It almost always starts off in your head
When you walk into a room and promptly decide that the everyone there is
”Not your type”
Or that they will single you out because you look or sound different.
And this may be true. But its not guaranteed.
The only place that this conclusion exists definitively is in your own head.
So it is very possible to turn a perfectly normal situation into another
Horror episode about how ”those people”
Don’t appreciate you, notice you, or are downright mean to you.
And it may just be because you came to that conclusion long before you walked through the door.
And the sad thing is, that may just become your own point of reference.
It becomes your way of ironically making yourself the subject of every equation,
with you as the victim,
Yet at the same time somehow leaving yourself out:
Like leaving yourself out of your role in making meaningful connection, in adding to the conversation, in showing up.
Or leaving out the possibility that maybe the whole world isn’t out to get you.
Maybe it really isn’t them. But it’s…