Forward motion

There’s something about deciding to change
That feels ridiculous.
As though we owe a debt to our former selves
That must be repaid by making the same choices
Over and over.
Walking away from addiction
Starting to save money
Sitting down to actually study
Picking up your pen again
Putting on running shoes for the first time in months
Choosing to forgive
Swallowing pride
Opening yourself up to love again-
There’s something about these moments
That feels insignificant because they come after
A long, tangled, convoluted string of
Poor choices, ’mistakes’ and dry spells
And it feels unlikely
That anything will come from choosing differently now.
It feels strange
To now pull up your socks
When you have a reputation
Of letting them congregate around your ankles.
Taking one step forward
When you’ve been doing everything but that
Is not wishful thinking,
Its an acknowledgement of the nature of time;
That there is no rewind button
No opportunity to undo what’s been done,
But only a set of choices to make
Now.
There is no going back to ‘pre-pandemic life’
And there is no going back to a version of your life
Where your previous decisions weren’t made.
There’s only moving forward
With your baggage in tow.
Which way you’ll go
Is mostly up to you.

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